Why the Transformers movie is terrible (no, it's not because Michael Bay is directing)
A few months ago, I unfortunately allowed the television to show me The Rock again. I didn't even have the gumption to click a button on the remote to turn it off (granted, it was only on in the background, but a schlock-fest like The Rock finds a way to ooze into your brain even from far away. That experience reminded me just how bad of a movie it is, and so let's just get it out in the open that I'm not a fan of director Michael Bay's movies. Still, my dislike of him has nothing to do with why I think the Transformers movie is going to be much less than what it could be.
As the editor of this here blog, I thought perhaps there's some green angle to the movie that we could mention and get in on the Transformers hype. I emailed the production company a few months back, and they called back saying this film doesn't really have any green car connections. I forgot about it and moved on.
Then, with the increased coverage in the media - the latest issue of WIRED devotes a few pages to Transformers and our friends over at Autoblog can't seem to get enough - and after watching a few trailers for the film, I realized that Transformers, as exciting as it might be, will suck. I've got my reasons why after the jump.
First, let me make it clear that I haven't seen the movie. I'm basing this column on a.) what the movie company told me and b.) what we can all guess from the previews and the press.
OK, the reason Transformers will be a terrible movie is that it gives zero credibility to alternative fuel cars. If there's one movie where a hydrogen or hybrid car could have saved the world, this is the one. Now, I'm not asking for a Prius Transformer (but you can go ahead and admit that you'd like to know what a Tesla Roadster would look like in robot form), but I think that with all the creativity used to give Optimus Prime flames, he could also burn ULSD or biodiesel? These green car messages wouldn't have to be delivered in a PSA format (i.e., Optimus turns to the camera and says, "this burns cleaner and is better for the environment, kids"), but there could be a sign in the background. I've seen enough Industrial Light & Magic films to know that those folks could have easily come up with a clever way to tell everyone what's going on.
Or how about this: Bay and team could have used the silent movement capability of an EV to great effect in a tense, quiet scene. Bay is totally in love with the U.S. military, and it's surprising that his Armed Forces partners didn't suggest the plot to him. The Army's Shadow (a Reconnaissance, Surveillance, Targeting Vehicle (RST-V), pictured), for example, would have fit perfectly with Bay's ideology and given electric cars a new look in the public eye.You can ask James Woolsey, who used to head the CIA and is now a vocal advocate for alternative fuel vehicles, about how our oil supply and our freedom go hand-in-hand. If the Autobots are really here to fight for our freedom, then what we have here is a story that writes itself.
From what I've read, this film makes a lot of changes from the old animated Transformers TV series. You know most of them, I'm sure. The biggest is that Bumblebee is no longer a VW Bug but a Chevy Camaro. So perhaps the one to blame for the lack of green thinking in the film is General Motors.
Bay is no stranger to product placement (just watch The Island. Actually, don't. It's terrible) and his big deal for Transformers is a partnership with GM. With all the work GM has been putting into giving their brand a green shine in the last few months, what cars are they pushing in the big July 4 blockbuster? A GMC TopKick (Ironside), the Camaro, the Pontiac Solstice (Jazz) and the Hummer (Ratchet). Perhaps they is someone at GM kicking themselves for not forcing a Volt transformer into the movie. At the very least, shame on GM for not adding a hybrid badge to Jazz. Sure, there's no actual Solstice hybrid, but there's no Solstice that turns into a freaking robot, either.I always seem to ask for more from my entertainment than it can deliver, and I suppose a lot of my criticism of the Transformers film could just as easily be applied to a gazillion other movies or TV shows, but this just seems like a perfect opportunity squandered by everyone involved. Oh well, I guess we can always hope for a new attitude in the sequels.
UPDATE: Just to be clear, this is all meant in the spirit of fun, ya know...
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
carlosjerkface 8:27AM (11/04/2009)
this movie is military industrial complex propaganda and nothing more.
They torture small cute robots and laugh like sits fun and cute and ok to do.
They show face scanning and all sorts of big brother tech. they want to put all over the country.
Much, much more.....its a fact that some of these big movie producers are given production money from sources linked to the military industrial complex etc....
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Arnie 8:12PM (6/26/2007)
No dude it's going to suck because Michael Bay directed it! ;-)
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Sebastian Blanco 8:39PM (6/26/2007)
Arnie,
well, sure, but everyone already knows that...
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Keith Wakeham 9:01PM (6/26/2007)
As much as it would be good promotion for transformers to be more green, it would ruin the fact that they run on energon cubes according to the old TV show. And how could a glowing purple fluid be bad for the enviroment really?
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Joseph 5:02PM (6/27/2007)
I know the article is just a joke, but really, I can't stand it when a movie tries to be politically correct because. (cough, cough, Evan Almighty)
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1985 Gripen 11:22PM (6/26/2007)
I've read that the producers of the Transformers movie wanted to use the BioPower (ethanol-powered) SAAB Aero-X concept (http://www.saab.com/microsites/aero_x/GLOBAL/en/index2.shtml) in the film, but it would have required SAAB to make several more examples of the concept (only one exists at a build cost of over $1M), so SAAB had to decline.
That's a "green" car that ALMOST made it into the movie...
http://www.trollhattansaab.net/archives/2007/06/friday_night_sn_9.html
Another SAAB/Transformers link (but not a "green car" link) was the commercial in which a SAAB Gripen fighter plane transforms into a SAAB 9-7X SUV...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGvhk26q-eE
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Shin Zearim 11:49PM (6/26/2007)
I understand where you are coming from but what does an electric/hybrid car have to do with a cartoon/movie about robots. When people are watching this movie I am sure they will not be thinking about how much exhaust is being released into the atmosphere by these GM cars.
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LaserBeams 1:23AM (6/27/2007)
They really should have stuck hybrid badges on all of them - what is more of a 'hybrid' than a vehicle that turns into a 25 foot tall walking robot? *grin*
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philmcneal 5:33AM (6/27/2007)
apparently your wrong autobloggreen... what a waste of space... what does this have to do with Ev's?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0418279/
i can listen to you... or i can listen to the powers of 1198 votes... and reading the first comment review (for a person who never saw the series in the first place) makes your write up pretty shameful and like i said HOW IS IT RELATED TO THE STUFF I WANT TO READ ON THIS SITE?
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philmcneal 5:36AM (6/27/2007)
ps: i thought the rock was good too, the day i see CSI Horario drives a telsa roadster is when you know GM stops dominating the movie industry.
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L1G 6:03AM (6/27/2007)
I hope that the Citroën C4 will play in this movie and save the world !
http://www.citroen.de/CWG/magazin/Der+CITRO%C3%8BN+C4+Roboter+ist+z%C3%BCr%C3%BCck/
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Schmeltz 9:13AM (6/27/2007)
You gotta be kidding me! I understand that you were just mildly joking with this article, but really, what does this have to do with anything that is green? It seems you may have a chip on your shoulder about GM, and were getting irritated seeing all the hype being heaped on this movie at your sister website, and decided to post an opinion that flames a movie you have never even seen. I personally have enjoyed Michael Bay's other movies and am hoping this one will not be a disappointment. First and foremost, I love cars. That is, all kinds of cars, sports cars, SUV's, Pick-ups, concept cars, green cars, etc. I cheer when I see Auto companies making responsible decisions to make green cars, but I also cheer when they churn out a work of art too, such as a hot sports car like the up-coming Camaro. This appears to be a movie for people who like and appreciate beautiful cars and lots of action. I don't think it strives to make a political statement--and most people are ok with that.
After reading this article, I don't think you will be the type of person who will see this movie, and enjoy it. I think it is probably going to be true to Michael Bay's formula for movies--although I like that kind of entertainment. They are what they are, and if you don't like that, skip it I guess.
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Hoffman 9:13AM (6/27/2007)
Ah yes, the "dancing" (ice skating) Citroen C4. Here's the robot translated description of the C4 Transformer:
"Technology can inspire, that the dancing CITROEeN C4 robot impressively proved. It dances and continues to inspire. This mark not on the roof of a multi-storey car park, but on skids over the ice thereby he supplies a convincing presentation evenly the qualities, which distinguish also the handling of his "age Ego", the CITROEeN C4,: sovereign handling, keeping in track regret, traction and a outstanding brake behavior."
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Christopher Hollomon 9:26AM (6/27/2007)
No your right this is going to be a horrible movie. When I heard that transformers was going to be live action I was ecstatic. But after the second or third leaked photo I realized that I'm just pissed off. The whole point of remade, or updated, or live action movie is to p[lay upon the fond memories, or heck, fresh memories of what people loved about the original. But somewhere between that original pitch and the real things a soul producer, and a clueless director, a money hungary marketing tie in expert, GM, and an underpaid, uncarring,powerless screenwriter got there hands on it and screwed it all up just beyond acceptable. You know that bumblebee needed to be a VW bug, and heck if any time history to do this movie, nows the time we have an UPDATED beetle! The reason behind optimus prime being a nosed truck as opposed to a flat fronted truck and not red was that they thought he needed flair and they could find a truck in that style big enough... and I supposed that the actors who played the hobbits and dwarfs in lord of the rings were all really that height. No they picked that ruck because they wanted to, it was easy, and thy didn't care about sticking with the original. Now ratchet, my goodness, what can you say, hes supposed to be an ambulance. theres an easy one.. except gm gave the director a hummer, and instead of making the hummer an acceptable switch out to rawhide (formerly a jeep, and lord knows a chrysler), they slapped some lights on it and made it ratchet. WTF? I could go on, mentioning the obviously animal sound screams of megatron (who looks to be a reimaging of starcream) or the at least possible addition of metallic lips, b ut what the use, whats done is done, the movie will make millions and be a worthless substitute and we'll need to wait for another 18 years to see someone recreate this movie, and maybe they'll actually watch the cartoon, ask someone who watch the cartoon, or I dunno, read the back of the blister pack of ANY of the toys. to get some idea of how to make a transformer movie. Transformer welcome to a long line of good ideas turned brain drivel, wild wild west, batman 3 & 4, the dukes of hazard, garbage pail kids, ispy, starsky and hutch, shaft, bad news bears, bewitch,... I think I'm going to cry a little.
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Tim 9:58AM (6/27/2007)
Must all movies contain social programming? Can't they just be fun? I think some people need to gain control over their own lives, before they try to tell others what to think and do. You know, people in glass houses…
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Nick Holla 10:32AM (6/27/2007)
Obviously you are not a car guy. Or a Transformers guy. Who wants to see a Prius take on a Mustang and win? Treehuggers wouldn't mind. And since when were Transformers powered by gas? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is unknown what powers them, and since they are robots, I think it's safe to think they are electric......which would be even better than a hybrid right?
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grandJDM.com 10:23AM (6/27/2007)
Ah yeah, I feel pretty sure that robots from another far advanced, futuristic planet, aren't burning fossil fuels. I'd even go so far as to say they're probably well beyond the various eco-friendly fuels that we have available here on little ol' Earth, too.
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Yggdrasilly 10:21AM (6/27/2007)
You are upset that a movie based on a children's cartoon series about giant robots does not tackle complex political and cultural issues.
I know how you feel: I was always terribly disappointed that "Gigantor" never dealt with the issue of Japan's "Comfort Women" from World War II.
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JiltedCitizen 11:44AM (6/27/2007)
Yes I let movies decide what kind of car I want.....
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Benjamin Heckendorn 12:16PM (6/27/2007)
Regardless, this will probably be the biggest hit movie of the summer. Think of it - there could be a scene where a Chevy fights a Ford - who DOESN'T want to see that? And despite the price of gas, people love cars.
I've read interviews with Michael Bay and they always ask "there's a lot of military in this movie, why?" and things like that. Hollywood needs to get off its high horse and stop with the "message films" and, I dunno, actually make some good or fun ones. Michael Bay, for better or worse, is the best 80's style director working today. People long for the simpler, message-less, better type of films back then and the box office of Transformers will prove that.
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